Does She Have the Right to Go Through Your Phone?

Whether you've been a relationship for years or starting something new, there will come a point in your relationship when your girlfriend/wife lets her intrusive thoughts win and tries to go through your phone. Miles who had been married for 3 years was finally coming home after being on a NBA road trip for 2 weeks. All he could think about was his wife's cooking and spending quality time with his son who just turned 5. No stranger to covering up indiscretions, he deleted text messages, pictures, videos, and DMs. Nothing was worth risking his relationship, his finances, or precious time with his kid. Even though he didn't think his wife would go through his phone, he didn't want to take chances.

So where did Miles go wrong? He forgot to permanently delete his recently deleted text messages and to change phone settings to not store videos. This mistake of having video mementos with side pieces cost him everything.

Men incorrectly think their partner randomly decides to go through their phone. That couldn't be further from the truth. Men subconsciously give off infidelity signals well before being caught. Women will test their man with questions to see if he answers confidently or hesitates. When she asks for access to your phone she can see you going through the checklist in your head. Did I delete all incriminating messages, what if she doesn't stop at texts and also goes to my call logs, did I do something to tip her off, what if my side piece texts while she's going through my phone. The calculus equation that you try to solve when she asks the question will betray you, because the hesitation will give her the answer to how much she should dig and push. The truth is, you gave her reasons to ask questions when she noticed you getting late night texts, and didn't pick up when she tried to call.

From the beginning of the relationship priority number one is to establish the boundaries for what is ok and what infringes on your freedom. Your wife or girlfriend going through your phone is a bridge too far that should not happen. You have to set that boundary early in the relationship. Most men know this but struggle with the how.

If you haven't established the precedent that she has the freedom to go through your phone

1. Early in the relationship establish the boundaries by saying "a reason my last relationship didn't work, is because my ex broke boundaries by going through my phone instead of asking me direct questions"
2. Change your phone password every three months
3. Clear out messages and any recently deleted text messages
4. Never use single sign on because your partner can gain access to various social media by just gaining access to one. For example she can gain access to your Instagram just by having your Facebook password
5. Use alternative apps for conversations with side pieces

If you are already in a relationship and have either allowed her to go through your phone previously or have been caught cheating and the condition for you staying together is for her to have access to your phone, you still have options. You can not use your normal texts applications to communicate with your side piece. Use whatsapp or telegram. With these apps update the settings to have the messages disappear after being read.

Men incorrectly think there are no resources available to help them keep their indiscretions confidential. Therefore they try to handle these situations on their own. This leads to relying on deleting any incrementing messages on a regular basis, remembering to permanently delete messages, and clearing out any incriminating messages on apps. Of course something will get misssed. With womone scientifically proven to pay more attention to details that men, this is a losing battle. Details are important and attention to detail is the difference that may save your relationship.

So is it possible to enjoy your relationship freedom while also giving your partner security? The answer is Yes. Women do not have the right to go through your phone, and establishing that fact can happen anytime in the relationship. You have to employ tactics to give her the security she is looking for so that she does not feel the need to dig. You have to be proactive in texting in front of her, comfortable leaving your phone in plane sight, and texting other people in front of her, giving the impression that there is no one other than her. Your goal should be to ensure she is secure in the relationship, because when she is, you can have relationship peace of mind.